you stole my heart

Wednesday, December 31, 2003

gdbye 2003, hellO 2004. 2003 shall jUst lingers On. fOnd memOries shall remained, while thOse whiCh aren't shall be histOry. Ushering a brand new start, 2004. Happy New Yr.

3hrs of nOt fidgetting On de cinema seat was already bad enuff. nOnetherless, i still enjOyed watChing it as mUch as i did On de 22nd. LOTR. it rOcks.

:: ffy 11:45am ::

Tuesday, December 30, 2003

de weather's unprediCtable, and sO is mUm's mOOd. i cOUld take it nO mOre tt i whine and cOmplain at de tOp Of my heart thrOugh the sms with daddy. sheeeshhh. me waking Up in de mOrng is already sUcking enOugh. grrrrrr.

went NTUC as early as 9am tO grab sOme grOceries and de stUffs needed fOr my spaghetti making. dis time i Used de twisted pasta instead Of de nOrmal tiny,slimy,lOng spaghetti..and de saUce? well, i cant live wO having spiCy fOOd. sO added in blended dried chilli and de PREGO mushrOom and parmesan saUce with a tOuch of minCed meat, bUttOn mUshrOOms and plain sQuids. im a mUshrOOm freak. prepared tea-O with lemOn tO gO alOng with de spaghetti. didnt add in de hOney in case de rest prefer nOt tO have it in their lemOn tea. bUt i dO.

i shall destress myself la8, catChing LOTR again. the war, graphics and LEGOLAS jUst fascinate me. make me smile again, PLS?

and im missing yOu...

:: ffy 02:10pm ::

Monday, December 29, 2003

savOured de last bit Of mee kUah with appetite. it wasnt de same stall we had Ordered Our fOod frOm.. my taste bUds cOuldnt spOt de differenCe either. nO wOrrries then. can i safely say tt Beach Rd is Our fOOd haven nOw?

and im hUngry nOw.. yet again. cOntemplating tO chnge de blOg's layOut..shld i? hOw dO yOu dUmp a gUy? tt was de qn pOsted tO me by my lOngtime friend, Watie.. gesszzz.

Mistakes show us what we need to learn

:: ffy 11:56pm ::

did sOmething tO my fringe again..dis time its nOt Of de same length, made it Uneven. mUch better perhaps. gOt my $200 frOm daddy ystdae, bUt my pay has yet tO bank in. might have dinner at Beach Rd la8 if time permits. craving fOr the mee kuah there. hOt weather it is. gOnna cOmpensate fOr the lOst sleep tt i had dis mOrng, fOr i went Admiralty Sec with lil brO tO buy his sCh bks. had tO hail de cab tO send us hm..de stUffs were sO HEAVY.

:: ffy 01:15pm ::

Sunday, December 28, 2003

regret it was cUtting my fringe.. it lOoked alright initially, jUst fOr a day i gUess. pillar was de first tO see me with tt new hairstyle when we met ystdae mOrng and a niCe cOmpliment ive gOtten..still, i REGRET having tO chOp it Off. itChy hands i sUppOsed. nOw its gOnna take sOme time fOr me tO grOw it baCk. and DEE wasnt pleased with it either. yahhh yahh, BLAME it On me then. wOnder what im gOnna dO next tO my hair.

i didnt enjOy my sleep this past few days. it wasnt as mUch peaCefUl. thOse dreams whiCh i nvr wanted them tO appear in my sleep. they were nightmares. even im afraid tO fall intO slumberland nOw, fear Of my Own dreams. tUcking myself in bed in de wee hrs dOesnt dO me any gd either, fOr i'll be awakened in de midst Of my beauty sleep. it jUst gave me the chill tt rUn dOwn thrOugh my skin. wOrse cOme tO wOrse, i'll jUst have tO gO baCk stiCking tO thOse sleeping pills. and tt stiCk Of MarlbOro Red frOm pillar had resUlted in me having sOre thrOat. been lOng.....

:: ffy 01:25pm ::

Friday, December 26, 2003

It was a family day..wO dad. fUn it was thOugh it was Only mUm,lil brO and me. went dOwntOwn tO spend de vOucher at John Little, getting brO's and my nieCe's clOthes. tOOk piCs frOm de leftOver film sO tt we can get it develOp sOOn.. nOthing peCuliar frOm de Outing, jUst did sOme windOw shOpping tO arm myself fOr de nxt shOpping trip. sUggessted mUm tO drOp by at Risa wkplC as well, tO have a shOrt chat with her. miss her thOugh. had Our dinner early and headed hOme when i met an ex pri sch classmate, Hizar in 72. did sOme catCh up On de prOgress Of de rest Of Our sCh mates.. well Risa, we shld cOme Up with de plan tO have a gadering fOr the Ex Jing Shan mates, shldnt we? it gOnna be a blast One.

wOndering where i will end up On New yr's eve? Last yr was at HRC.. dis yr shld be sOmewhere else Or sOmething different den. with HIM (Dee) and my Cuzzins i suppOse. hOpefUlly 3rd Jan tO clUb will tUrn Out well..i shld lOosen Up befOre i begin my attachment.. dahhhhh..

uhhh yahh, had a DIY fringe last night at hm. cUt it myself, tO have a new lOOk..fOr a new yr i gUess. nxt wk will be de last tO party and fill Up with lOtsa plans..fOr attaChment periOd is cOming up.

:: ffy 09:20pm ::

Wednesday, December 24, 2003

HE's back from camp.

was sUppOsed tO have lUnchie with Ms Duckie ystdae at Long John Silver Hg Green. dUe tO time cOnstraint, de meet-up was canCelled. sOrie Duckie. didnt expeCt tt sOmeOne tO be early. de plan was tO gO Sheesha. Miss Shy was having 2nd thOughts On tagging alOng. tUrned dOwn de Offer and ended up at Beach Rd fOr dinner, savOuring the yUmmyliciOus fds. wanted a qUality time fOr chats, sO we left de plC and headed dOwn tO Marina Ctr fOr a drink. 1 for 1 jug at an Open bar, The Bay (if tts de name). chilling Out with the cOol breeze blOwing my hair, acCompanied by pall mall and 2 jugs Of drinks. tt was de MOST awesOme night i had. there'll be anOder sessiOn Of ystdae.. PROMISE. on a lighter note, i'll start my tutoring On de 3rd Jan. extra pOcket mOney, sOunds deliciOus.

:: ffy 05:05 pm ::

Monday, December 22, 2003

Artist:Keisha Chante
Title:Unpredictable

Everything I do is for you
You're unpredictable but I still love you, baby

Why you tripping
We were cool yesterday
Is there something I can say
To bring your smile back my way
I'd say I'm sorry
If I knew what I did wrong
But I still carry on
'Cause my feelings are so strong

What else can I do (What can I do)
FOr you to prove (To prove)
To prove that this is true
I need to know 'cause

Everytime I think we're alright
Why you gotta go and change your mind, baby
Everything I do is for you
You're unpredictable but I still love you, baby

It's so confusing things always seemed okay
when we couldn't stay away from each other for a day
Boy, one minute you could make me feel so good
Doing everything you could
But today I wish you were

Why you gotta be (Why you gotta be)
Buggin' out on me (On me)
Won't you tell me please
I need to know 'cause

Everytime I think we're alright (That we're alright)
Why you gotta go and change your mind, baby (Yeah)
Everything I do is for you (Everything I do)
You're unpredictable but I still love you, baby

I thought I knew (I thought I knew)
I'm so confuse (I'm so confuse)
What's going on (What's been going on)
Where did we go wrong (Where did we go wrong, baby)

Everytime I think we're alright (Everytime I think we're alright, baby)
Why you gotta go and change your mind, baby (Why you gotta change your mind)
Everything I do is for you (Everything I do)
You're unpredictable but I still love you, baby (I still love uou)

Everytime I think we're alright (Everytime i think we're alright, baby)
Why you gotta go and change your mind, baby (Change your mind)
Everything I do is for you (For you, for you)
You're unpredictable but I still love you, baby

Listening to: Unpredictable - Kiesha Chante'

FINALLY, its Over. after a lOng hard time waiting, i get tO catCh 4.20pm LOTR earlier with lil brO at GV Bishan. rUshed der Only tO have dis cOnclUsiOn tt 3.20pm shOw was a fUllhs. i shld have made an advanCed bOoking. LEGOLAS, he was fabUlOus. hOw mUch i drOOl Ovr him. Ok Ok, i AM exaggerating here. nOnetherless, im GLAD tt iVE CAUGHT de mOvie. pheewww. it was EXTREMELY MUCH better than de previOus 2.

a tiring sUn it was and me feeling a lil Unwell, i had a fantastiC day with my Cuzzins at de wedding reCeptiOn. and there were lOads Of snapshOts Of Us with de newly wedded cOuple tOO. she lOOked gOrgeOus in her pUnjabi Outfit..peaChy she was. HE came dOwn tO give a helping hand as well. a handfUl of my relatives, even de taxi driver, cOmmented tt HE resembled lil brO..tt taxi driver mistOOk HIM fOr the elder sOn. whatever lah U Uncle driver.

tt night itself, it was a rare OcCassiOn tO have all de ladies cUzzins gathered fOr a night sessiOn at chOcOlate Bar and sUpper at newtOn, thOugh 2 Of them brOught alOng their Bf and fianCe respeCtively. newly wedded cOuple and my yOungest aUnt were with Us tOO..meeting pOint was at Boat Quay's Shah Alam cOffee shOp where we had Our bitChing sessiOn and cUps Of hOt drinks.it was a pleasant mOment tt we Cld spare tt tinyweenie time tO have all Of Us partyin as a family dUe tO different paths taken. i had a great night filled wif joy, laughters, puffing away and gulping dOwn thOse drinks with them. my pOcket was saved frOm being bUrnt cOs generOus aUnt fOrked Out fOr everything. reaChed hm at 3.45am when newly wedded cUzzin-in-law sent me. i was tOtally flat and headed tO bed wO even chnging and find myself waking Up at 10am as dad needed me tO acCompany lil brO tO get the resUlt Of de pOsted seC sCh. didnt had any Of my sleep til nOw. im shagged bUt i dUn need my bed yet right.

PS:i Love yOu sweet sUgar hOney pie.
I have 3 things to tell you.
1. i lOve you
2. i lOve you very much
3. i really lOve you very muCh
DO YOU?

i might catch LOTR again tOmOrrOw..*grins*

:: ffy 11:11pm ::

Saturday, December 20, 2003

HE's cOming baCk tOday. ive lOst de tOuch Of everything.

will be EXTREMELY tied dOwn with de wedding preparatiOn dis 2 days. thUs its nOrm tt i wOnt be blOgging till ive catCh Up my breath. i shld have step my feet Out frOm hm at 11am bUt de temptatiOn tO switCh On de PC is sO intense. will leave fOr UBI sOOn and grab sOme mUnchy stUffs On de way. hOping fOr 29th tO cOme by sOOn, i NEED my pay.

im SO mUch in lOve with 'UnprediCtable', by Keisha Chante'..thx tO Shazila fOr inserting tt sOng in her blOggy. it jUst tells it all. im HOOKED ontO it, like hOw i was sO ATTACHED tO U.

Friday, December 19, 2003

ystdae night was lil bz with de helping Out and phOtO taking sessiOn with my newly wed cUzzin. cant help it cOs we jUst lUv de camera sO mUch. ate tO de fUllest as ders sO mUch fOod tO Our liking. didnt expeCt tO end Up pUffing away at de vOid deCk with 2 Of my Cuzzins and my aUnt. we jUst needed tt badly. ya, as shOcking as it is dey were kindda sUrprised tt i was part Of their clans tOO..lips sealed. reaChed hm at 11+pm, feeling sO deadbeat. it jUst sOothed me hearing Ur vOice. im famished and sleepy as fOr nOw.. need tO head tO de kitChen. till den...

:: ffy 03:30pm ::

Thursday, December 18, 2003

Challenge. We all face challenges of varying degrees every day, whether it's professional or personal, large or small, immediate or over time. And change, some invited, some unasked for..is our biggest challenge.

When you take responsibility for your life, you take responsibility for where you are going to go next…
u never lose urself in da music the moment u own it u better never let it go..
u'll only get one shot do not miss ur chance to blow ...

We're all programmed at birth
:: ffy 04:25pm ::

i was never an angel. im a hUman whO nvr fail tO make mistakes.. and dis flaws Of mine have been Used against me, cOs it was related tO my histOry.. am i making sense here? i refrained myself frOm creating any UnwelcOmed mistakes. like ive mentiOned, i nvr did want tO reminisce de faCts Of my past. it was way Over. im living in the wOrld of reality nOw. de trUth remains.. tt im der, lOving sOmeOne whOm was nvr mine in de 1st plC. bUt eventUally time tells it all. U beCame my priCe pOssessiOn. trUth hUrts. we, as hUmans are selfish at times tOO. whO wOuld want tO share sOmething tt is SO MUCH treasUred by them? ME?? U?? US?? my answer will jUst remain as it is. i AM sharing this treasUre Of mine. i am willing bUt can U? well, i'll jUst live with de faCt tt i can nvr chnge de minset and de feelings Of Urs. my life still revOlves ard U.

:: ffy 11:50 am ::

patience is a great virtue and i happen to have lOads of them..tt depends On whOm my patienCe is fOr. i admit i Used tO tOlerate HIM. HIS attitUde, charaCter, nOnsensiCal sentenCes, illOgiCal faCts..and de list gOes On and On. as fOr nOw, this patienCe has rUn dry.

de 'Return Of the King' is Officially released tOday..

i'll be Outs at 3+ or latest by 4+ fOr my cUzzin's nikah after maghrib. and im Up early thx tO de drilling at de 7th stOrey whiCh can even spOil my eardrUm. ive gOt tO be qUiCk fOr i need tO prepare myself and dO de hOusechOres befOre mUm retUrn frOm wk. dis sCh hOls ive been de Unpaid part-time maid at hm.gOnna take lOads Of piCs la8 and On sUn, bUt jUst my lUck tt i dOnt Own a dgcam and my sCanner has tO gO bOnkers On me.

im Utterly jealOus with de faCt tt sOme Of u had already caUght de LOTR trilOgy ystdae and will watCh 'Return Of de King' tOday Or any days Of dis wk..and as fOr me, i might have tO catCh it next week with pillar Of strength if de mOvie date is still On..if nOt, i'll jUst drag my lil brO alOng tO aCcOmpany me..*sigh*. i wanna catCh it real sOOn..fOr de meantime, i hOpe u ppl spare me sOme spaCes as tO nOt reveal de stOry line.. *winks at Diah*. i need suspence.

:: ffy 11:30am ::

Wednesday, December 17, 2003

its hard lOving myself yet alOne lOving yOu.. as time gOes by Ur presenCe made me fall fOr yOu..i wOnder what attraCts me tO yOu? we're sO different, tts why Unlike pOles attraCt. i still dO lOve yOu, always & fOrever.

Tuesday, December 16, 2003

geeszz,hOw dO i start this??

HE is Dee and HE's away fOr his natiOnal service. a mixed feeling i have bUt heCk, let time be a faCtOr tO deCide then.

:: ffy 12:47am ::

Monday, December 15, 2003

Subject : Anyone & Everyone

Lee Sum Wan : Hello can i speak to Annie Wan

Mr Sori : Yes u could speak to me.

Lee Sum Wan: No, i want to speak to Annie Wan!

Mr Sori : You are talking to someone! Who is this?

Lee Sum Wan : Im Sum Wan. And i need to talk to Annie Wan! Its urgent.

Mr Sori : I know u are someone and u want to talk to anyone! But what's this urgent matter about?

Lee Sum Wan : Well just tell my sister Annie Wan that our brother was involved in an accident. Noe Wan got injured and now Noe Wan is being sent to the hospital. Right now Avery Wan is going to the hospital.

Mr Sori : Look if no one was injured and no one was sent to the hospital from the accident that isnt an urgent matter! You may find this hilarious but i dont have time for this!!!

Lee Sum Wan : You are rude. Who are you?

Mr Sori : Im Sori.

Lee Sum Wan : You should be sorry. Now give me your name!

Mr Sori : Im Sori!!

Lee Sum Wan : I dont like your tone of voice Mr and i dont care, give me your name!

Mr Sori : Look lady, I told you already Im Sori! Im Sori!! Im SORI!!! you didnt even give me your name!

Lee Sum Wan : I told u before im Sum Wan! Sum Wan!!! You better be careful my father is Sum Buddy. And my uncle holds a very big position in the co. He is Noe Buddy.

Mr Sori : Oh im so scared(sarcastically). Look i dont care about ur uncle he's a nobody. Everybody thinks his top dog and holding an important position in the company.

Lee Sum Wan : No Avery Buddy just married my aunt. And Avery Buddy doesn't work there.

Mr Sori : Like i said i dont care which one of ur aunt screws everybody and i also know that not everybody works here! Jeez!!!

Lee Sum Wan : Wheech Wan is my sis!

Mr. Sori : I dont know which one is ur ! sis! Why in gods name u think i do!? Look i got work to do and if im feeling mischievious i'll broadcast it on the P.A system saying. "Attention, someone called and said that anyones brother just got involved in an accident. But not to worry no
one got injured and no one was sent to the hospital. But everyone is going
to the hospital anyways. The father maybe a somebody but if u're their
uncle, u're a nobody. "how bout that!?

"CLICK"! Toot....Toot....Toot.................

Saturday, December 13, 2003

Listening to: Cant let U gO - Fabolous

my all time fav sOng.

HE came over ystdae with his PS2 fOr lil brO tO get his hands On, the extended versiOn Of 'Fellowship Of the Ring' whiCh strained my eyes and sOre my bUtt fOr 3hrs+. i felt ackward with his presence.HE's stepping intO anOther stage Of his life, serving the cOuntry. hOpefUlly, tt will arm him with mOre respOnsibilty and cOmmitment. i shall nOt say mUch thOugh.

de cOming wk will be a bz One, nOt tt exaCtly bz. jUst enOugh tO OccUpy me. my cOusin whO was bOrn On de same yr as me, will finally wed On Thur and her wedding receptiOn will be On Sun itself. yes, shes 19. jUst tUrned 19 2 days agO and in a wk's time, she will be sOmeOne's spOuse. well, we Used tO stUdy in de same secOndary sCh and we were Once very clOsed. tO each his Own, we have Our Own path Of life nOw. and i hOpe she'll have a harmOny and happy marriage.

i prOcrastinate tOO mUCh this time, tt fOr 2 mths i didnt head fOr my bike praCt. thx tO tt, i had a fantastiC sleep with a wOnderfUl dream. dreamt tt i was riding my sCrambler, aCcOmpanied by pillar Of strength. sweet dream it was, hOping it will be a reality sOOn. prOvided tt i faithfUlly attend my praCt. i WILL, next wk... NOT. time will tell then.

alhamdulillah, ive begUn tO dO my prayers baCk. and i feel mUch better and calmer nOw thOugh sOme things have nOt yet sUbside. ive start tO see things ratiOnally and resOlve issUes with mUch patience. and as hUmans, we can never rUn away frOm making any mistakes, thUs ive let de past remain a histOry. i shall nOt want tO reminisce it, fOr ive bUried them way tOo deep.

finally, ive gOt de Legolas figurine and cant wait fOr LOTR 'The Return Of the King' tO hit the screen. fOr the meantime, i shall jUst drOOl, waiting fOr OrlandO Bloom tO dOn his Legolas suit On 18th Dec.

past is history, present is reality and future is my destiny.
ur name is tatooed on my lips,always and forever.
forgive me.

:: ffy 04:00pm ::

Thursday, December 11, 2003

Eleven people were hanging on a rope under the helicopter, ten men and one woman. The rope was not strong enough to carry them carry them all, so they decided that one has to drop off, otherwise they are all going to fall. They were not able to choose that person, but then the womanmade a very touching speech. She said that she would voluntarily let go of the rope,because as a woman she was used to giving up everything for her husband and kids, and for men in general, without ever getting anything in return.

As soon as she finished her speech, all the men started clapping
their hands...........

the weather's been tremendOusly encOuraging me tO head fOr an aftn nap. im left with 24 days befOre i UndergO my attachment at ST Joseph cOnvent. and im cOunting dOwn as the day gOne by. Excited and anxiOus i am, i cant wait tO be in de shOes Of being a teaCher, thOugh it will be jUst fOr 10 weeks. a class Of my Own, cOndUcting lessOns, markings, setting Of papers..these are the daily chOres tt i will be handling Once i step intO de all girls sChOOl.

as tO hOw i am right nOw, where matter Of de heart is cOncerned, ive manage tO pUll myself thrOugh.. *give me a rOund Of applaUse*. letting natUre takes it cOurse, i shall embraCe destiny with Open heart and arms. fOr nOw, im gratified with the way i am and Cherished the cOncern tt i get frOm the lOvely ppl tt sUrrOund me. thx fOr being my pillar of sUppOrt when i needed yOu mOst.

tt DG-cam is really captivating.. i cant wait tO get hOld Of it sOOn. i nvr did get enOugh Of having it in my hand when i bOrrOwed frOm aUnt. geeszzz, i cant wait fOr de next pay, its really tempting..

we often look so regretfully upon the closed door that we dont see the one that has opened for us..
tts if we're willing to walk ovr tO de opened door

:: ffy 05:30pm ::

Tuesday, December 09, 2003

lil rascal is finally home on sun..fetched him from de airport and silly me, hOpin to bump into TRINA as she tOuched dOwn On de same day..my pOly friends came Ovr at 11pm, Only tO sit fOr a mere 15mins..dey are left with 2 hOuses tO visit.

ystdae did sOme hs visits with my Primary school friends, where my hs was the 1st. mUmmy cOoked MEE KUAH fOr these preciOus friends of mine as she treated them jUst like her Own. How lUcky dey are..*grinz*. met pillar Of strength in de midst of de visits and slaCked away. miss de cOmpany Of my sOulmate..

:: ffy 01:51pm ::

im getting this DG-cam, exactly de same as my aunt's. Her hubby gOt it for her at Japan, tt cOs nearly $600. view dis CASIO EXILIM S20
sO,its time tt i start saving up every lil bit of my penny nOw..

Saturday, December 06, 2003

He's becoming part of my HISTORY now. till then, he doesnt know where the problem lies. He's becoming a STRANGER to me. SILENCE is all i have for now.

dont ask me abt my supp paper, its TOTALLY, OBVIOUSLY GONE. tts de benefit Of de revisiOn, TIPS were given. U just need tO stUdy fOr them, bUt i was TOO lazy tO even attend. sO CANE me. i have tO bear the cOnseqUences then, retake tt sUbjeCt again in my 3rd yr. the hOpe Of nOt seeing de same leCtUrer again gOes dOwn the drain. On de bright side, i might be taking it wif the gerls. MAYB, MAYB NOT. tts fOr wednesday.

went dOwn to meet RISA at her wkplc. a wonderful day to be able to meet a friend, whOm i didnt get tO for a yr. had cOffee tOgether at Coffee Club Express and catch up with Old times. shes still de same Old gal tt i used tO knOw in pri schOOl, as jovial always.. craCking jOkes tt never fail tO perk me up.. and i LUVE U buddy. 12 yrs of friendship but it still stands strong thOugh we never fail tO irritate each other, tOgether with the Other 3.. tOo mUch cOnfliCts in our friendship, but we managed tO resOlve them in harmOny.

a last min plan it was ystdae, my sec sCh friend Raudah, called hm and i cOuldnt recOgnise her vOice. played gUessing game with me bUt i gave up thOugh i wanted tO gUess tt it was her. deCided tO jOin Norimah, Watie, Raudah, Ayu & her fiance (left us after the 2nd hs), Shikin & her guy, fOr Raya Outing. i Opt tO spend 3 hrs with pillar of strength after dey had came Over tO my hs. cruel wasnt i? bUt after 2-3 yrs Of nOt mingling with them, ive lOst tOuch with the sense Of friendliness as thOse times were Over.

will be right back..
:: ffy 12:55pm ::

Wednesday, December 03, 2003

tOmorrow's DOOM's day..my supp paper. yet tO cOmplete de revisiOn, bUt i'll try my VERY BEST upOn sitting fOr it. Obtaining a JUST PASS is better than getting an F again.

dis mOrng send my lil brO Off tO the airport as he's flying tO BangkOk with his sCh sOccer mates..they'll be playing against thOse Thai bOys there and i hOpe tt they can bring the champiOn trOphy hOme baCk tO Spore.. tt will dO his sCh and SpOre prOud. the trip was an inCentive fOr them as their JuniOr Soccer Team emerged as ChampiOn in the North Zone Inter-Primary Sch SOccer Tournament 2003 while the SeniOr Soccer Team emerged as Runner Up in the North Zone Inter-Primary Sch SOccer Tournament 2003 as well as Runner Up at the National Inter-Primary Schools Soccer Tournament 2003..and my lil brO belOngs tO de seniOr team, im prOud Of him. like father, like sOn.. thOugh my daddy tUrns 45 dis cOming Jan, he's still aCtive in sOccer as a keeper, thOugh his clUb was nOt tt famOus (WINSTEDT).. bUt lil brO dOes nOt fOllOw his fOotstep, hes a striker in his sOccer team. enviOus Of these 2 men in my family, esp my Daddy, as they get tO travel arOund, all thx tO sOccer. a wOnder spOrt.

nOt sUrprising tt Daddy has lOts Of aCqUaintanCes in the sOccer wOrld..Fandi Ahmad and family, Tohari Pajian were at the airpOrt tOO. Fandi is the cOach fOr YCK pri where my lil brO stUdied der. sO tOgether with Tohari Pajian, they travelled with thOse bOys tOo, as cOaches. my 1st time catching Wendy Jacobs in real life, she was friendly as well as gorgeous and leggy lady. and their kids were hyper-active, it's all down to good genes from their dad's side.

hOme is empty nOw wO lil brO's vOice.. we gOnna miss him till he tOuched dOwn in Spore, this Sun. and wish me lUck fOr my supp 2mrw.

:: ffy 06:55pm ::

Tuesday, December 02, 2003

Listening to: Ada Apa Dgn Cinta - Melly & Erick

de previOus entries were mUch of heart-wrenchings. including dis too.. im still lOoking fOrward to a jOyOus event tO pen dOwn in here. im running a temp, thx tO the rain ystdae, bad sOre thrOat dUe tO mUch inhaling Of pall mall.. my lUngs are cOngested by nOw.. can feel the inflammatiOn in my stOmach, fOr pOpping thOse pills tt ive nOt taken fOr lOng, was i baCk tO my Old self? real bad headaChe fOr shedding i-dUnnO-hOw-many-bUckets tears..

it was hell of a time ystdae..NO, i wasnt talking abt de enjOyment i had ystdae thOugh i managed tO pamper myself with 2 begs, a pair Of sandals, GiO jeans and a tUbe. my cOmpany was great tOO, bUt im nOt fOCUsing either On this.

disastrOus day it was last night.ask me why? all thx tO him, the GREAT MR HURT IT ALL.. HE, whOm ive mentiOned in the previOus entry. fOr Once, i needed yOu tO embraCe me in yOur arms and lent me a shOulder tO cry On. I REALLY NEEDED THOSE BADLY and ystdae was the day. I would have piCked myself up Once again tOday, bUt it was tOo late..tOO late tt i cOuldnt cOntrOl my emOtiOns and drOwned myself with the Unfamiliar pills. isnt it irOnic jUSt tt aftn, i did my prayers and few hrs after, i was thinking Of ___?___ . u fill tt Up.

U were right, dOnt dO tO Others, if i dO nOt want them tO reciprOcate tO me. i might have been inflUenCed by HIM. anger clOuded my mind. Im really dOwn after sO many days battling with these dispUtes with him. lil brO's leaving tOmOrrOw.
i might have depressiOn, bUt hOw trUe it is..i myself aint sUre.
when will it be lOw tide?

:: ffy 11:10am ::

Monday, December 01, 2003

'Mum, how i wish u'd just marry me off tO sOmeone, whom u think can provide and take care of me.. and give me a break from all dis heartaches, which can nvr be healed..no matter how hard u try it."

yes, tts how serious i can be. and I AM drop dead serious.. loving someone whom u can nvr have at dis moment is like asking for the star,sun or the moon. just grab a knife and cut open my heart, and u'll know why my heart is still beating for you. tts because my life depends solely on you, ONLY you. yet, why was de past nvr failed to prevail frOm you tOo? the histOry WASNT me, she had lOnged been dead. the present IS THEN me, the turn-over-into-a-new-leaf her. after mUch cOntemplating, the very first step was tO redeem myself frOm the past aCtiOns dOne. it was nvr easy, for i tOok a small step at a time. and i need your support tO help me this time rOund.. cOs uve always been my pillar of strength. pls dO nOt shOot me with ur negativities..

HE, whO nvr fail tO bring me down at times and upset me, left me dOubts if he was de persOn tt i Once knew. HIS name ive nO lOnger mentiOned, yet alOne think Of. being UnsUre, i tOuched my heart and asked myself, why dO i still glue tO him after all thOse heartaChes tt he presented me? beats me.. i dO nOt hOld any Of the answers either whiCh i REALLY needed them. is it retribUtiOn?

my rOad is still dark and i need my tOrch light tO gUide me alOng the path..lUv blinded me Or was i blind tO see lUv? whatever it is my walking stiCk is still U..U knOw whO u are. am i a BURDEN?shld i stay or shld i go?

:: ffy 01:00am ::